Christmas with Cletus

Even singing at our holiday party couldn't quite get me in the spirit of the season.

It wasn’t feeling a lot like Christmas last week. We had our tree up. We had a stack of packages waiting to be opened. The advent calendar was counting down. And yet, I wasn’t in the mood. This is the first Christmas in several years when I wasn’t scheduled to sing, and we weren’t planning to visit any family. I began to regret our decision to stay home and have Christmas for two. The balmy weather wasn’t helping much, either.

It just didn’t feel right. I was in a bit of a funk for a few days around our anniversary anyway. I think I was mourning the “us” that is and was and has been for the past 13 years. Although I am eagerly awaiting the Cletus’s birth, I know our lives will never be the same. As I get bigger and bigger, it is harder to ignore and pretend that things aren’t already different. Change is come, and what is ahead is perhaps the biggest unknown of our life together so far. I think it beats out moving to a new city, adopting two beagles, and even starting our own business.

A few days before Christmas, we decided we would get a zipcar and surprise my family on Christmas morning. I think we got the last available car on the island. On Christmas Eve, Darien decided to make us a festive meal of lamb, since that’s what his family typically eats at Christmastime. We enjoyed watching Die Hard (set on a Christmas Eve back in the 80s), ate our intimate feast, took a nap, and headed over to church for midnight mass.

There was a beautiful prelude, and a very satisfying service. I was starting to feel the Christmas spirit. We hopped on the bus and the train to pick up the car, packed up the beagles and the gifts, and headed to MD. Even Jews and atheists had better things to do at 3 a.m. than drive on the NJ turnpike, so aside from the fatigue, the drive was easy. We arrived at my parents’ house shortly before 8 a.m. and gave them the best Christmas gift we could think of. We ate far too many cookies, took several much-needed naps, opened presents, and were very glad that we were spending the holiday with loved ones.

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