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9 weeks

July 8, 2011

Well, fatigue has really got me on my back lately. Not during normal sleeping hours, of course, but I had a pretty epic nap yesterday. I think the worst unexpected symptom so far has been the stuffy nose. It gets pretty bad at night, which does not help with the sleeping. I have tried to hydrate, to irrigate with my neti pot, and to ignore it, but nothing seems to help much. Fortunately, it doesn’t bother me during the day much, which is probably why I’m napping much better than I’m sleeping at night.

It seems like time for a change, so it’s fortunate that we will be taking two weeks to relax in Maine at the family orchard. We leave tomorrow, traveling through Boston to visit family, and then we’ll be surrounded by the cool northern breezes and beautiful farm. A cousin is visiting next weekend, along with my college roommate. I was thinking this morning that the boys will probably want to hike Tumbledown, but that I will probably forgo that adventure this year. I’m sure that I am physically capable of completing the hike, but I imagine I would be sorely in need of a nap by the time we reached the top, and needing another by the time we reached the bottom again. It’s probably not the best time to be going on four-hour climbs. But, there are other sites to see that are always neglected because of our single-minded focus on that one trail. This should be a good opportunity to check them out.

I am looking forward to the fresh blueberries that grow behind the house, the delicious apple cider, and some engaging rounds of disc golf. And watching the beagles play and laze in the sun, enjoying a freedom they can only dream about for eleven months of the year.

The days and weeks tick by, and I am awed by the intense growing going on inside me. It is hard to imagine that it’s actually happening, especially with no obvious proof yet. My husband said once this past winter that he heard that when you stop fearing death, that is the time to have kids because then you will fear death for the rest of your life. I can’t say that I’ve reached a new level of fear of dying, but I have started to view the world a little differently, imagining the world my kid will grow up in and inherit.

For instance, I see building managers hose down the sidewalks on our street every morning. They are clearing away the debris from trash day, or dog pee, or just trying to get a fresh start to the day. But I really wish we had a grey water system for that kind of thing. I understand that our water supply is dwindling, and if we don’t do something about it, we could run out of potable water. Here in the US, it is practically free, and we take it so much for granted. We waste it with abandon. Every morning, I am reminded of our selfish, stupid human habits that could be fatal to us. What does one do with this worry?

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