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12 weeks

July 28, 2011

Well, I’ve almost made it through my first trimester, and all of the nausea has disappeared. In its place is a voracious appetite that seems to have no bounds. I’m blaming it on vacation. Even though I tried walking/jogging on the hill and played disc golf a few days, my activity level was much lower than it is at home, where I typically go to the gym a few days a week, and I walk everywhere. I’ve not really gained that much weight, but I’m certainly not one of those women who loses weight during the first trimester for wont of eating.

I’m still not showing, either. I feel bigger, and my pants have already become uncomfortable, but there is not really any obvious sign of a bump. Instead, I just look like maybe I had a few too many apple cinnamon donuts after disc golf. I guess I’m in the “Is there really a baby in there?” phase. I suppose I will have to start shopping for suitable maternity clothes soon, but I am lucky I can wear sundresses and be perfectly comfortable for the summer at least.

Can nesting possibly be kicking in so soon? I have been on a cleaning binge since we got back home. I immediately unpacked our suitcase and had everything in its place the night we came home. Yesterday, having finally purchased an air conditioner for the office (our poor employees suffered through the heat wave without), I also cleaned and rearranged everything I could get my hands out without disturbing the actual work that was happening. (There is something immensely satisfying about looking around the office and seeing every computer occupied by people working on things because you hired them. A little team that’s there because of you. Wow.) Today, I have a desperate urge to wash my floors. And get rid of stuff.

Our apartment feels smaller by the day. Perhaps in part because I am growing larger by the day? Every time someone asks me how we’re going to live with another whole person in our little space, I cringe. Solution number one is to wait to find out the sex. That is sure to cut down on the pre-baby purchases, right? If my one outing to the baby section of the Korean department store is any indication, if you are restricted to unisex outfits, you are pretty restricted. Second, is to nurse, which means no bottles or accessories taking up precious kitchen real estate. Third, and I am only partly kidding, is to keep our baby in a drawer. Why buy a crib when we have a perfectly sturdy set of bed-accessible cabinets? My father-in-law supposedly slept in a drawer when he was very young. Who says you can’t be poor and have a baby?

All kidding aside, having a kid has made me a more anxious about our finances. Losing my job was not the best thing that could have happened, money-wise, and I feel badly that my husband now has so much more pressure to provide for us. There is a sense when you’re young and poor that it’s fine because you’re in it together, and it’s temporary. While I still believe with all my heart that this is temporary (and we’re not poor, not really), and I am proud of the progress our little business has made in the past two years, the scenario changes a bit when you realize you will be responsible for another human being. You just want the best for your kid. Even if it doesn’t really make sense because what does a baby know about fashion or square footage? At the same time, I also don’t want a lot of stuff. I know it will happen without even trying. You have kids, you get kid stuff. I just don’t want it in my house right now. Maybe I’m superstitious. I’m usually such a planner and list maker, but I really don’t want to think ahead too far right now. I want to try to enjoy these last few months of being just the two of us, and I guess I assume we’ll get the stuff we need when we need it, and the kid won’t care whether it’s couture or secondhand. (Plus, obviously, half of the kid’s wardrobe will be homemade knit items. I am assembling my next KnitPicks order, thanks to the birthday gift from my parents I have yet to spend. So many cute things to make!)

This is what becoming a parent looks like in the Bates household. Reading books about developmental stages years down the line, ignoring the imminent need for stuff, and knitting as therapy and distraction. Oh, and keeping the business running. Thank goodness I have a husband to take care of that small matter. Now, back to my floors.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Mom permalink
    July 28, 2011 2:59 pm

    Rumor has it that if your baby can nurse and can also drink breast milk from a bottle, then dad can feed the baby on those occasions when you sleep through four alarms. That’s what I’ve been told.

    • Betsy permalink*
      July 28, 2011 3:08 pm

      Well, it would be a shame to pass up the pump that our insurance supposedly covers, so I guess we’ll have to clear a drawer for bottles after all.

  2. Julia Bates permalink
    July 28, 2011 5:13 pm

    I think cleaning after vacation happens anyway, plus being stuck in a house in the heat always makes me want to clean, clean, clean. And you were such a good influence last weekend. Did you notice I sorted through and thinned out my cookbooks? I had a few bottles. I pumped and froze breast milk for those times when I couldn’t be home. Worked o.k. for Justin and Toby, but Darien refused anything except the breast for the first 6 months! I’m sure your genes are more accommodating!! You will need a stroller after the first 3 months–put wheels under that kid!!

    If you can get back to the gym, lift weights and work on core strength. Upper body gets really critical!
    In another month you may feel some stirring around that isn’t your intestines! In two months there will be no question that someone is in residence!!

    When do you check in with your midwife?
    Vacation was wonderful! Did we end up with a plan for the holidays? Hugs. Julia

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